Things I Want (Or Need) To Know

  • A nine-year-old boy was left alone and unsupervised for nine hours at an airport in Chicago after a United Airlines employee forgot about him.  If you leave your own or someone else’’s nine-year-old alone and unsupervised, especially in a very busy airport, even for a lot less than nine hours, shouldn’’t police and child-protective services be investigating?

  • Did I misunderstand, or is BP really planning to send Tony Hayward to Siberia this winter?  Isn’’t that a little harsh?  Even for the outgoing president of BP?

  • A British car insurance company called “Sheila’’s Wheels” (I swear, that’’s the name) reported that in 2009 men filed 16.4 percent more accidents during the summer than they did the rest of the year.  The reason, according to the company is the male drivers were distracted by women in skimpy outfits.  We needed a study to tell us that?

  • I got an envelope in the mail the other day.  On the outside were printed the words, “Do Not Bend.”  Did they mean the envelope, or me?

  • Gold is a commodity.  So what’’s with all the TV commercials urging people to buy gold from one company or another?  Shouldn’’t cost per transaction and customer service be your major considerations?  And if gold is such a great investment, why are these companies so anxious to sell theirs to you and me that they advertise on TV?

  • My Lipitor-chip cookies are doing really well, so what do you think of my latest idea for a business venture, toupees for bald eagles?

  • Who would have thought I could get an awful bagel in Great Neck NY?

  • Ripped and torn mean the same thing, right?  If my body is “ripped” (and it never has been) then I have an over-abundance of clearly defined muscles.  But the rotator cuffs in both of my shoulders are torn and that isn’’t good; it means I need surgery.  What’s up with that?

Author: Tom

I know my ABC's, I can write my name and I can count to a hundred.