The first time my wife complained she was getting older, I told her, “That’s good.” When she asked why I said that, I replied, “Because if you were still seventeen, you wouldn’t have anything to do with me.” With the recent news about Alabama senate candidate Roy Moore, I realize there’s another reason why it’s good she’s getting older. If she were still seventeen, I wouldn’t have anything to do with her either. I was interested in a 14-year-old girl once myself. Until 32 days after my 16th birthday when she turned 15. In my opinion, 14 and 32 don’t add up to anything but creepy.
A t-shirt I saw recently read, “I have CDO. It’s like OCD, except the letters are in alphabetical order, like they should be.” At first, I thought that was funny. Then I realized it ought to say, “as they should be.”
I tried Uber on a recent trip to Boston. I do wish they used bigger cars. We had a Toyota Corolla and a Mazda 3. I don’t know about elsewhere, but if you call for an Uber in Boston, you’d better be ready to go. The two times I used them, they showed up in a minute or two. The only glitch was the first time, their computer told my phone that Pedro was showing up in a Honda Odyssey, so when Jing showed up in the Mazda 3, I didn’t realize it was for me.
I’m happy for Mavis Wanczyk, the Massachusetts woman who won more than $750 million in the Powerball lottery in August. But, by coming forward right away, she didn’t follow the recommended procedure of getting financial, and legal advice before claiming the prize. I hope she manages that new-found wealth prudently, using it to benefit herself, and whatever good causes she believes in. She does seem to have achieved the privacy I’d certainly want if I won. There doesn’t seem to be anything else in the news about her since then.
I couldn’t stop the robocall urgent public-service announcements about my current electric bill, so I switched land-line phone carriers from Verizon to Altice. Why? Verizon wanted to charge me about $15 a month extra for caller ID while Altice reduced my cable and Internet bill by $10 a month when I signed up for phone service too. Maybe I could get a similar deal if I switched to FIOS for cable and internet, but there are several reasons I want to keep Altice, including News 12, and retaining my email address.
Saint Karen, who must be a saint to put up with me, just asked our daughter if she wanted to split some zucchini sticks. It’s okay. After all this time, she knows I don’t like zucchini. Joking around, I told her that if she split them they’d cook faster. Then, I said, “I’m clever that way.” She laughed, and said she married me because I’m clever. I told her I married her because I’m clever too.
The other day, I saw a BMW headed north on Long Island’s Meadowbrook Parkway, doing the speed limit in the left lane. I’ve never seen something like that before. I always imagined that if a person in a BMW was observed driving at or below the speed limit, someone from Stuttgart would show up and confiscate their car.