Things I Want (Or Need) To Know

While channel surfing, I heard the end of an infomercial where Vince, the announcer, warned viewers to beware of Shamwow imitators.  Why?  What harm can a fake cellulose towel do to me?  I mean I’m a pretty tough guy.  I don’t think it can hurt me and I’m not afraid.  In fact, I’d be more afraid of an imitation Shamu.

Have you read about Alex Rodriguez and Madonna?  They were recently reported to be in Mexico together, and then looking for a house in Florida.  Who knows if these reports are correct?  If they are, Madonna is in very good shape for a woman of her age and many people enjoy her singing.  But still, doesn’t Alex Rodriguez know that she isn’t particularly pretty, she’s almost old enough to be his mother and he’s Alex Rodriguez?

How can you steal $50 billion and not have much of anything to show for it?

I’d like to know whether Bernie Madoff started out to run a Ponzi scheme, or whether he switched to that when his investments went to hell in a hand basket.  By the way, Charles Ponzi didn’t invent the Ponzi scheme.  His were just the best known ones until now.

I can’t resist a good pun, or especially a bad one, so shouldn’t I classify what Bernie Madoff did as a capital crime?

Assuming for a minute that some of the institutions getting government bailouts are really too big to be allowed to fail, why isn’t anyone at least looking into new anti-trust legislation to prevent additional companies from getting so big we can’t let them fail?

How do children survive between the time they stop being cute and the time they start being bigger than we are?