Things I Know

  • My hope, if you are reading this, is that you’ll accept my wishes for a Merry Christmas, a Happy Hanukkah, a Happy Kwanzaa, or any combination or permutation of the three that you choose to engage in.  Have a good New Year too, healthy, happy, prosperous.  You know the drill.  If I have somehow neglected to wish that you enjoy the holiday you celebrate at this time of year, it’s because I’m unaware of yours, so a generic happy holidays will have to do for you.

  • Judging by the number of shoppers at my local Home Depot on Christmas Eve morning, very few people will be getting two-by-fours for Christmas.  And how would you gift wrap them anyway?

  • Update:  After weeks of making collection phone calls to me, Sallie Mae finally acceded to my very reasonable request and sent me a bill.  Once I received the bill, I knew how much to pay and where to send it.  I did cosign the loans (if you need a cosigner, don’t ask.  I’ve learned my lesson) so while I didn’t like it, I owed it, and I paid it.  The bill came Thursday, and I paid it Friday.  Thanks to the miracle of computers, they got it Friday too.  If they credit it to the right account, that should take care of it.  I considered most of their collection calls over a two week period to be harassment because I did pay the bill as soon as I got it, so if they had sent me a bill the first time I asked, it would have arrived and I would have paid it about ten days earlier.

  • A bailout will work if a wave washed over your bow.  It won’t work if your hull was caved in when you steered your ship on to the rocks.

  • Maybe GM does make good cars now, but if they survive (and I hope they do) they’re going to have to make good cars for a long time to convince me to buy one.  They made bad ones for a long time to convince me not to.

  • According to Jerry Seinfeld appearing on the Letterman show, “It’s a war between us and the cookies.”  That sounds about right to me and at least on my front (and on my flank and my rear too) the cookies are gaining ground.

  • The people who collect garbage in my neighborhood leave the empty cans about two feet from the curb.  It would save some time and some precious petroleum too if they would leave them in the exact middle of the street instead.  Now, I come home, pull up to the empty can, stop, get out while the car keeps running, move the can to the curb, get back in the car and park.  Whew!  If they left the cans in the middle of the street, I could park and move the can.  Many fewer steps, much more efficient.

  • The way things are going, I predict eventually there will be only one bank and that bank will be named

  • The good burghers of Brighton Michigan have made being annoying illegal.  I’d better stay away from there!

  • If someone gets up to give a speech and the first thing they say is they will be brief, they won’t.  Being brief is unusual.  People will notice if you are.  And if you want to be brief, you can leave that out and your speech will be a few seconds shorter.

Author: Tom

I know my ABC's, I can write my name and I can count to a hundred.