Things I Want (or Need) to Know

What do you want for Christmas?  When I was a college-radio dj, I shared my Christmas wish with my listener.  I said, “Dear Santa, all I want for Christmas is a doll.  Her name is Karen and she’s 18-years old.”  She was already my girlfriend back then, and she still is today.

What’s a preppy to do?  I need a new surcingle belt, so I went to the LL Bean website, and they don’t have any listed.  None at Brooks Brothers or J Crew either.

Is diet peach an unpopular flavor of Snapple?  I love it, so I ask because stores near where I live never have enough of the two-quart bottles to make me happy.  I visited two grocery stores this week.  One had one bottle, one had five.  I bought all six, but I want more.

What’s up with Christmas lights?  It is entirely possible to wire a string of lights so that if one goes out the rest remain lit.  It wouldn’t cost much more either.  Yet Christmas lights that do that are almost impossible to find.  The ones that all go out are all over the place.  In this day and age, where people are willing to pay for convenience, and where there’s too much else to worry about, let’s change to the ones that everyone knows will work better.

Why is Lysol advertising so heavily on TV?  Everyone knows, it’s a popular product and an effective disinfectant.  Still, I don’t know about you, but I haven’t seen any for sale in a local market since the pandemic broke out.

My wife recently picked up a supermarket checkout magazine called Women First.  In it was an article about what to do with leftover whipped cream?  Why?  I suppose you could put it on leftover latkes.  Why leftover whipped cream on leftover latkes?  Because there’s no such thing as a leftover latke.  And leftover whipped cream is even less likely, because once you’ve eaten whatever you made the whipped cream to go with, if you have leftover whipped cream, you can just eat that without anything else to put it on but a spoon.

You know what sovereign citizens are, don’t you?  People who claim the federal government has no jurisdiction over them because they are nations unto themselves.  How many sovereign citizens do you think accepted the $1,200 federal-stimulus payment?

Why do they even make a 10” breaker bar?  It’s not much longer than the normal ratchet handle for your socket wrench set, so it doesn’t supply much additional mechanical advantage.  If you need a breaker bar, get the 18” kind, or bigger.  If that doesn’t work, slip a pipe over the handle.

Author: Tom

I know by ABC's, I can write my name, and I can count to 100.