Things I Want (Or Need) To Know

““The Blues Brothers”” was on cable this morning. Just how many full-sized Dodge four-door sedans were harmed while making that movie anyway?

Has America really aged so much that the Fonz has replaced Fred Thompson as the spokesman in ads for reverse mortgages?

Why does the dentist give kids lollipops? Is it to ensure future business?

Have you seen the TV commercials that say there are lots of jobs in cyber-security so you should earn a degree completely on line from the University of Maryland University College? My daughter suggests that with such a name, perhaps the University of Maryland University College also offers a program where you can earn two degrees at the same time from the University’’s Department of Redundancy Department and that for each degree you can both major and minor in redundancy.

I’’ve read recently of several arrests for kiddie porn. It’’s good that the cops are finding these despicable people. But how do the despicable people find each other? I’’m not going to try to Google, “”buy kiddie porn,”” and the town where I live, but I presume the cops are doing that all the time as one way of looking for them.

In need of some fast food, I went to Arby’s. The woman behind the counter gave me a selection of sauce packets. My wife, Saint Karen (who has to be a saint to put up with me), knowing that I don’’t care for horseradish sauce, expropriated the packets of Horsey Sauce that I bought home. So I asked her, “”Other than our lifetime together and all the times I’’ve said it, what makes you think you can just take anything that belongs to me and use it as you please?””

Were you glued to the TV during the Olympics? I know that’’s the only way I would have watched the whole thing.

If you never know, why do we even have schools?

Are mums for sale in the supermarket the first sign of autumn?

Author: Tom

I know my ABC's, I can write my name and I can count to a hundred.