Things I Want (Or Need) To Know

  • With the imminent arrival of the Fourth of July, have you been to the beach yet?  I went today and the Atlantic off Long Island was much warmer than I expected it to be.

  • I don’t get Pippa Middleton.  I have nothing against her.  I recognize she’s attractive and understand that she and her family are wealthy, but why is she now a celebrity?

  • Come to think of it, why are Prince William, the Duchess of Cambridge (not Princess Catherine, not yet anyway) or any other member of the British royal family celebrities in the United States?  I know British royalty had celebrity status here hundreds of years ago, but didn’t we fight and win two wars with the British to get out from under the British royal family?

  • Why is Bristol Palin famous, and can we do anything about that?

  • Has Charlie Sheen calmed down, or are we now completely bored with him?

  • I wonder how many people who are now adults, but were raised with Cabbage Patch Kids, have the word “Xavier” tattooed somewhere on their bodies.

  • My daughter asked me the other day if you get hearing aids from sharing loud music with intravenous drug users.  She must get it from my wife, Saint Karen (who has to be a saint to put up with me), because I’m obviously completely normal.

Author: Tom

I know my ABC's, I can write my name and I can count to a hundred.