Things I Know

  • Hurricane Earl is churning up the Atlantic.  Current projections say it will be within 150 miles of where I live by Friday of Labor Day Weekend.  So, I’’m implementing my patented hurricane survival strategy:  I’’ll watch the Weather Channel, find out where Jim Cantore is, and if he shows up anywhere near me, I’’ll go somewhere else.

  • Roger Clemens was once a great major league pitcher, a starting pitcher.  He was indicted Monday for allegedly lying to Congress.  So, depending on the outcome of his trial, he may soon be headed for the pen.  Not the bullpen, the penitentiary.

  • I’’m not big on August because football starts up, buying good fresh peaches becomes a chancy thing and cold weather is nigh.  But it is over 90 again, I can still nap in my hammock, I believe I’’m going to be a guest lecturer in college once school us under way, and there are fresh tomatoes in my back yard.  So, it’’s not all bad by any means.

  •  “The obvious solution to that is heated scrubs.”  Attention MS Word’s grammar checker:  “solution” is the subject of the previous sentence.  As used in the sentence and despite ending in the letter “s”, “scrubs” isn’’t really a plural noun anymore than “pants” is.  So this sentence is correct.  Leave me alone.

  • I used more pain pills after this operation than I did in 2003, but the pain pills I got this time weren’’t as strong and I stopped using them 48 hours after the operation.

  • In case there are any second graders reading my blog, here’’s a hint.  I don’’t know why this is, but the tooth fairy usually pays better at grandma’’s house than at home.

  • Anesthesia makes it harder for a patient to urinate.  Pain medicine makes it harder for a patient to defecate.  Still, I suppose exploding is a very rare side effect of rotator cuff surgery.

  • I saw a TV commercial for ITT Tech, a private, for-profit college.  In the commercial, the guy who is telling what’’s supposed to be his story and his family (they may be actors for all I know) were hand-washing a late model Ford Edge.  The Ford blue oval on the car was blurred out.  Once I noticed that, I didn’’t pay any attention to another thing the commercial said.  I spent my time wondering why the commercial’s producers would do that.

  • Based on the theory that where there’s smoke, there’s cannabis, it may be inevitable that one day one of the drug-filled purses that seem to surround Paris Hilton may actually belong to her.

Author: Tom

I know my ABC's, I can write my name and I can count to a hundred.