Things I Know

  • Archaeologists have discovered the remains of a previously unknown henge monument near Stonehenge in Great Britain.  They haven’t decided what to call it yet.  I’m looking forward to the day when archaeologists discover a henge monument featuring movable panels that control movement between the pillars.  That one, I want to be the first to suggest, should be named Doorhenge.

  • Speaking of henge monuments, I consider it unlikely that I’ll drive on I-95 through western Nebraska again, so I’m disappointed that I didn’t go to Carhenge which is about 30 minutes north of that highway, when I had the chance.  But when I was there, I forgot it was nearby.

  • The Today Show informed me today that if I travel to Santa Barbara California, I can sleep in a tent starting at $135 a night.  It’’s a very fancy tent indeed, but come on!  I own a tent that cost less than that.

  • I’m fairly sick of people running for high public office by claiming they’re not politicians.  Carl Paladino in New York and Linda McMahon in Connecticut are the two most recent egregious examples in the area where I live.  If you are running for Governor or US Senator or any other high office, you are, by definition, a politician.  If you’ve never been elected, you’re not yet a successful politician and you may be an outsider, but you are a politician.  Since politicians must build consensus, by the way, being an outsider hardly ever gets things done.

  • Carl Paladino’s radio commercials, as he seeks to become New York’s Governor, are running too close together on some stations I listen to.  I assume he’s buying run of station spots which allow the station to schedule the commercials at its convenience.  You can buy commercials that run at fixed times or within certain parameters, but run of station is cheaper.  The Paladino campaign has bought enough of them on some stations to really annoy at least me if not everybody who listens.

  • To the rude woman driving the maroon Nissan Altima with Maryland plates:  if you had let me off the Southern State Parkway, instead of blowing your horn and cutting me off, there would have been more room for you to drive on the Southern State Parkway.

  • I know nobody goes to Boy Scout Camp for the cuisine, but this year was especially ridiculous; I lost about five pounds in five days at camp.  I have every confidence I’ll find them again.

  • If I hadn’t seen them both written out, I’d think Crepe Suzette and Crape Myrtle were either both food or both plants, depending on which one I heard of first.

  • I am in favor of a federal law to require reality TV shows to contain at least five percent reality.

  • I’m also in favor of a law that requires stores to sell things at list price at least five percent of the time before they can advertise that item as being reduced from its regular price.

  • I’m no anthropologist, but I imagine that in ancient cultures where virgin sacrifice was in vogue, it encouraged premarital sex.

Author: Tom

I know my ABC's, I can write my name and I can count to a hundred.

1 thought on “Things I Know”

  1. I just discovered your blog while looking for the TAL/Planet Money episode on the dysfunction in Albany and Patersonian physics. This is the most I’ve learned — and laughed — in some time. You’re a keen social observer and I like the way you break up your insights into digestible bites. I read — a lot — but I find myself plowing through even more, by virtue of the fact that every bullet point looks like another alluring unexpected dessert that I probably shouldn’t eat, but that I rationalise as ‘just one bite.’

    Please keep writing, and more importantly, please keep thinking. I can’t tell if Americans have ceased using their brains or if the government and media and corporate elite conspire to make it seem that way. Such a great country, surely can’t be as sound asleep as it seems.

    I agreed w/ a good deal here, although I would say that the ‘I’m not a politician’ faction probably has the weight of argument on their side. ‘Politician’ is one of those weird post-facto terms that doesn’t really apply until you’ve been elected. For example, if you’ve run in 30 races and have yet to win one, you could call yourself a politician, but does it make sense to do so? Or maybe it’s like motherhood — are you considered a mother while pregnant or once you’ve delivered? It’s more the latter…

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