Things I Know

  • I saw Larry King sing “Take Me Out To The Ballgame” at Wrigley Field recently during the Cubs-Dodgers Fox Game of the Week.  No criticism here.  I can’t sing either and if they asked me to sing at a major league baseball game, I’d do it too.

  • “How are you” is hardly ever a real question, so I’m on a one-man mission to discourage its use.

  • I got a phone call today from a woman soliciting contributions for a charity.  She said, “How are you?”  I said, “I’m fine, but that’s probably not why you called.”

  • The contractor came to fix my garage last week.  He said, “How are you?”  I said, “I’m sick.”  He said, “Then I won’t kiss you.”  I knew there was an upside to the miserable cough I’ve had for more than a week.

  • I’ve never had any trouble staying awake, so I should never take a medicine that has insomnia as a listed side effect.

  • It’s June and I’ve had so little sleep lately, I feel like I should have gone to somebody’s prom.

  • One of the reasons I’m so healthy is when I was a child, my parents used to do things like make me play in the sunshine, and fed me wholesome foods such as hot dogs wrapped in bacon.

  • I’ve actually gotten answers to a few of the questions I’ve asked on my blog since I started it in February 2008.  Germs do get sick.  Bacteriophages cause them to.  And you can buy an MP3 player with an AM radio in it.  As far as I know there’s only one.  But it’s designed more to record radio shows over the air and works better for that than it does if used to play MP3 music files and podcasts.

  • One reason AM radios in mini-music devices are so rare is the device has to be bigger to accommodate the antenna for an AM radio.  An FM radio can use the earphone cord as an antenna.

  • My daughter told me recently someone she knows made a joke, the gist of which was viruses can’t read.  She made a better joke when she said, “Of course not; the print would be way too big.”

  • Some people believe that an nonviable fetus is a mass of cells and that removing it is a medical procedure.  Some people believe it’s a human life and that removing it is murder.  This is a dispute that will never be settled because the only way to settle it is to ask God, assuming God exists.  And in the words of Lilly Tomlin, “When God talks to you, its called schizophrenia.” However, I’m very sorry there isn’t universal condemnation of the guy who gunned down a doctor during a church service last weekend.  Three lefts make a right; two wrongs don’t.

Author: Tom

I know my ABC's, I can write my name and I can count to a hundred.