Things I Know

  • Open mouth, insert foot, speak, and then think.  That’s the wrong order, Vice President Biden.

  • I’ve only worked one place in my entire life, a radio station, where former employees hold reunions and other former employees go to the reunions.  I go to the reunions even though the station fired me.  We had one last weekend.  It was nice to see all those people again.

  • I haven’t been fired since I stopped working at radio stations.

  • If you were wondering how hotel staff or police get into a hotel room when the door is locked with a chain from the inside.  One answer is a strong magnet.

  • I heard someone say recently that they wish they could go back to high school, knowing what they know now.   Because I know what I now know, I don’t want to go back to high school.

  • The Mega Millions Lottery on Friday has a big prize of around $220 million.  Your chances of winning if you don’t buy a ticket are zero.  Your chances of winning if you do buy a ticket are still virtually zero, unless, of course, you win.  So, make a joke about what you would do if you won, but don’t make plans to give it away until you do win.  And don’t bet the rent either.

Author: Tom

I know my ABC's, I can write my name and I can count to a hundred.