I’m of two minds about gifts. For me, as a recipient, only the thought counts. Nobody likes me enough and has enough money to give me anything I can’t afford to get for myself, so it’s the thought that counts. Plus, my grandmother told me that when I was a young boy (I was never little) and she was crazy.
But when I give someone else a gift, I want it to be something that I like and that they like too. I think I’m bad at selecting things that meet both criteria. Once in a while I succeed, but not often.
Valentine’s Day is a holiday for retailers. Gifts are pretty much obligatory. Guys can always wimp out with flowers or one of those heart-shaped boxes of candy. Most women also appreciate jewelry. You can cheat and buy your wife or girlfriend some lingerie. I say that’s cheating because both of you know lingerie is a present for you too. For this Valentine’s Day, however, I was inspired. I bought my wife a present she loved and laughed at. She has a great laugh.
My wife is a little odd. Shes been with me for a long, long time so even if she started out normal, some of my odd would have to have rubbed off on her and I have more than enough odd to spare.
Two weeks ago she told me she had a really weird dream. She was right. She told me she dreamt she had a chocolate candy turkey and I ate it on her. She dreamt that she was so mad at me that she decked me. This dream is weird for a number of reasons. First, I don’t recall ever inviting a chocolate turkey into the house. Second, I wouldn’t take something of hers without asking. Third, we don’t fight. We argue; every married couple argues and we probably argue less than average. But fighting would not prove whos right; it would only prove whos stronger. Neither of us ever has or would hit the other with anything stronger than a love pat. I’m about six feet tall and she isn’t. I weigh over two hundred pounds and she doesn’t, by a long shot. I’m a lot bigger than she is. It’s obvious who’s stronger. The only way she could knock me down is by running me over with the family car.
So the dream was absurd because of the turkey, out of character for both of us and physically impossible. As the lady said, it was weird. It also inspired me. Thats right. I bought my wife a rafter of chocolate turkeys for Valentine’s Day.
Chocolate bunnies are traditional for Easter and you might find a chocolate turkey around Thanksgiving, but where, you may ask, did I find chocolate turkeys at Valentine’s Day? The Internet of course! That’s also where I found out the correct term for a group of turkeys is a rafter. If I had thought of it sooner, I would have saved some money on express shipping, but it was still a reasonably priced gift. If I do say so myself, it was inspired. In fact, I have said so myself, twice. This morning, I was rewarded for my inspiration with my wife’s musical laughter.