Things I Know

  • Friday is the safest day on which to have Friday the 13th.  If it happens on a Sunday or a Monday, Friday the 13th could last all week.  That’’s not my idea.  Walt Kelly thought it up and put in the mouth of Albert the Alligator in the late and very much lamented comic strip Pogo.

  • We need to find another term for the stimulus package.  The word package doesn’’t make you think of something big enough.  How about stimulus shipment or stimulus cargo?  The Feds have been throwing the term billions about for so long that it’’s lost the ability to shock us.  We’re nearly immune to being shocked by the word trillion too.  So we need to find another way to describe large amounts of money.  The US House and Senate have apparently agreed on a $789 billion stimulus package.  If it’’s all in $100 bills, that’s between 8,500 and 9,000 tons of paper money!  That’’s a little bigger than a package, don’’t you think?

  • Senator Schumer, I care about the pork in the stimulus bill and I bet I’’m not alone.

  •  I don’’t know which way is up.  Well, when I’’m awake I do, but I used to have a job that required me to get up at 2:30 AM and when that alarm clock went off, I grabbed my bed to keep from falling up many, many times.

  • The flaw in the space-time continuum has apparently been mended.  I arrived on time for my 7:00 AM appointment at my endocrinologist’s office, having been told that 7:00 AM was the first appointment of the day when I made it.  If you recall, I’’m always on time, the doctor never is, although the last time he was early, not late, which screwed everything up and caused me to worry about the continuation of life as we know it.  Today, the doctor saw me around 7:30.  Why?  He saw the other first appointment of the day first.

  • “Where To Retire” magazine, in its current issue, says the cost of living for retirees in San Francisco is “Well above average.”  From what I’ve seen when I’ve visited that lovely city, it should say the cost of living in San Francisco is “Oh my God!”

Author: Tom

I know my ABC's, I can write my name and I can count to a hundred.