For many years now, I’ve advocated making silly plans for what you would do if you win a big lottery. Yes, it’s fun to dream about being suddenly rich, but my reasoning is that the chance of winning is so low that making serious plans is a waste of time, unless and until you win.
So, there’s no need to figure out in advance whether you’d pay off your nephew’s college loans, or what charity you’d contribute to, or what the goal of your personal charitable foundation would be, or what university you’d endow a professor’s chair at in order to leave your name around after you die, or where you’d move, or how many new cars you’d buy.
I have had other silly plans, but for years, I have usually maintained that if I win millions of dollars in Powerball or Mega Millions, I’ll get someone to carry my bed outside and then, I’ll jump on the bed. Yes, I know that I’d break the bed if I jumped on it, but jumping on the bed was fun when I was a kid and if I had millions of bucks, I wouldn’t care if I broke my bed. I’d just get a new one. Tonight, however, is different. As I write this the Powerball jackpot is expected to be $800 million.
Absolutely nobody has asked me if I’ve changed my silly plan to accommodate the largest jackpot in US History. Still, in response to zero interest from the general public, I am here to announce that I have changed my plan. Tonight’s Powerball jackpot is so big that if I win, I will jump on two beds. Maybe three.