Things I Know

If you get a phone call and there’’s nobody on the other end of the line for several seconds, you’’re being called by an automatic dialing system that tries to anticipate when the human caller will be available to annoy talk to you. Unless you enjoy receiving telephone sales calls, you can probably hang up any time that happens.

Figuring out how to repair the flush valve on my toilet isn’’t satisfying for all the water I’’m saving. It’’s better because I didn’’t have to call and pay a plumber. To paraphrase the credit card ad, $7 to fix the toilet, priceless!

Nothing against plumbers though. I call a good one when what needs fixing is beyond my skills. And that good plumber is very odd. He returns phone calls and shows up pretty much when he says he will. He still charges a lot. I said he’’s very odd, not weird.

$6.90 for returning deposit soda bottles and cans: at five cents a pop, or soda, or beer, that’’s 138 cans and bottles. Either I have to take them back more often, or it’’s a good thing I own a truck.

The only attention I ever pay to professional or college football is when my son’’s alma mater wins a national championship (as in the last two years in a row, Roll Tide!). I played as a kid, but stopped when the other kids started getting as big as me. That being said, the NCAA penalties against Penn State hurt an awful lot of people who had nothing to do with the child sex abuse scandal at the University and nothing to do with covering it up either. The guy who did the crime is in jail. One of the cover-up guys (according to Louis Freeh’’s investigation) is dead. Others have lost their jobs. I don’’t know if they’’ll be indicted, but they probably will be sued and so will the university. As a result of the lawsuits, I hope the victims are compensated and I hope that compensation helps them. I approve of all that punishment, but what the NCAA did hurts the university, hurts students who play other sports that cost more than they earn, hurts other programs paid for from football profits and it hurts the local economy too because a lot of people who have been going to games won’’t go, won’’t stay overnight, won’’t eat in local restaurants. You get the idea.

And, while I’’m happy that my son’’s happy if Alabama wins, all of the SEC schools are among the colleges and universities I believe value football more than they should when compared with academics.

If your insomnia is as bad as mine, you may have seen the show ““Comics Unleashed.”” Judging from some of the topical jokes it’’s in reruns on Channel 2 in New York after Craig Ferguson’’s show. If you’’re looking for a good laugh, there’’s really no need to see it though.

I’’m kind of stoked that I could buy repair parts for an Andersen window more than twenty years old. Still, newer ones are a lot easier to take apart than that one is. I took it apart, fixed it and put it back together again, but if I took it apart another time or two, I’’m pretty sure I’’d break something. You expect product designs to improve and in the case of Andersen windows, they have. The old one I just fixed used balances and one of them broke after close to 25 years. The new ones don’’t use balances and it’’s a lot easier to remove the sashes than it used to be.

Twenty-one people were treated for burns on their feet after trying to walk on hot coals following a program by motivational speaker Tony Robbins. If twenty people ahead of me got burned trying to walk on burning coals, I would get out of the line myself. But that’’s just me. It probably wouldn’’t even take twenty.

I’’ve often wondered how kids survive between the time they stop being cute and the time they start being bigger than we are. This answer from the website jezebel.com may explain it. I believe a man named Doug Barry is the author although I’’m not entirely clear on that because the article I lifted the answer from is an aggregation of news items from elsewhere. ““. . . they say your brain releases crazy chemicals after you have kids to keep you from eating them when they get too heavy to carry and there aren’t any mastodons to hunt.”” I think that’s sarcasm, but it sounds like a real possibility to me as well.

Author: Tom

I know my ABC's, I can write my name and I can count to a hundred.