Things I Know

If every man, woman, and child in the United States was in one lottery pool for tonight’’s Mega Millions drawing, and if we won, we’’d each get a little over one dollar, before taxes! If I win, I’’m going to take the check to the ATM at my local bank branch. I’’ve always wondered what’s the largest dollar transaction those machines will handle.

Which reminds me, I was going to say ATM machine, but that would be redundant. The “M” in ATM stands for machine.

Actually, Mega Millions tonight is so much money that if you’re the only winner, you can have your newly-hired flunky ask that the president of your bank stop by your house, pick up the check, and deposit it for you.  He or she will probably do just that.

If you’’re ever down in the dumps, and need a little lift, go to Youtube and put the following three words, “dog,” “soldier,” and “reunion” in the search box. You’’ll get about a zillion videos. Or, for both dogs, and beloved family members, try The videos may make you cry, but you’’ll feel a lot happier too.

Here’’s a disturbing trend. When I bought my current shredder, it was powerful enough to shred most credit card offers and other junk mail without me having to open the envelope. I’’ve had the shredder long enough for postal rates to go up substantially, but the credit card offers are getting thicker, and I now have to open most of them before shredding them.  I still don’’t read them though.

The people who hold my mortgage confused me this month. Confusing me is such a small challenge that I don’’t know why they bother. They sent me a statement telling me that my mortgage escrow was going up. I don’’t like that, but it’’s really no surprise. They also told me I have a shortage in my escrow account. That’’s an annual event too because they won’’t listen to me. I’’ve tried, believe me. They included the shortage in the new monthly payment, and in the same envelope included a bill for the shortage. The way the whole thing is worded, if I didn’’t pay attention I would have paid both. If I did pay both though, I probably wouldn’’t have an escrow shortage next year.

Author: Tom

I know my ABC's, I can write my name and I can count to a hundred.