Right now, I’m looking for a rented DVD and a pair of ear buds.  If I didn’t have to replace many things I’ve lost over the years, I’d probably be much better off financially, unless of course I lost the money I paid to replace things instead.

There are at least two kinds of people in the world:  people who lose things; and people who find them.  I’m the first kind, and my wife, Saint Karen (she has to be a saint to put up with me), is the second.  In some ways, that makes us complementary.  I lose it, and often, she finds it.  In other ways, it makes us completely incompatible.  I lose something.  She becomes exasperated and says, “Where did you have it last?”

Then I say, “If I knew the answer to that question, it wouldn’t be lost, would it?”

This exchange is usually followed by an interlude of silence.  Often, my wife then finds whatever I lost.  Here’s an example of how this costs me money.  I couldn’t find my set of three chisels, so I borrowed a set of three chisels from my sister and lost one of her chisels too.  Then, I found my chisels (all three of them), but not the one of hers I lost.  So, now I have five chisels and had to buy another set for my sister because if I gave her one of mine and two of hers she wouldn’t have a set and if I gave her my set I wouldn’t have a set.  I hope I get the new set to her before I lose those chisels too.

Some things are easier to lose than others.  I researched utility knives and retractable steel tape measures.  I need four utility knives and three tape measures to know where at least one of each is at all times.  I’ve occasionally known where all four utility knives were at the same time (not now though), but I’ve never been able to find the third of my three tape measures, so maybe I really only need two.

When I really want to keep something and ensure that I dont lose it, such as my spare set of glasses, or the keys to my other car, I usually put it in my truck.  I’ve owned about a dozen cars or trucks in my life and I’ve never yet lost one of those.  I also took the loyalty cards I get from supermarkets and other stores, put them on a key chain together and keep that key chain in my truck too.  None of the stores that have issued loyalty cards to me are close enough to walk to.  So, if the cards are in the truck, I’ll have them with me when I need them.

Sometimes I kid Saint Karen and say she hides my things and then finds them so I’ll think she’s indispensable.  That’s useless.  I already think that.   When I hear about a business that has lost literally tons of money, I think they should hire her to look for the money because she’s exceptionally good at finding the stuff I lose.

Author: Tom

I know my ABC's, I can write my name and I can count to a hundred.