Which Is It?

I wasn’t reappointed to my job last week.  So, should I consider myself retired or unemployed?  I’m leaning toward unemployed because it’s simpler and it’s better motivation to find another job.  For the time being, at least, I am both retired and unemployed.

Retired does have its benefits.  My pension is better than unemployment benefits would be.  And, I don’t have to go to work.  There is that.  As long as I am retired, there are things I don’t need at all or need much like suits, ties, dress shirts, dress shoes and socks in any color but white.  Some people have jobs that don’t need those things either, but my jobs did require them.  If I’m retired and don’t need all those things, the local dry cleaner may need to lay someone off.  Since I don’t need to rush out of the house in the morning, I have lots of time to make breakfast so the local deli may have to drop someone from the early morning shift too.  I don’t need the refrigerator I kept plugged in at my office.  I don’t need the untold cans of Diet Pepsi I consumed daily.  I can drink my Pepsi from a glass or cup that I filled from a big bottle at a lower cost per ounce. 

Speaking of drinking, I have a friend who told me when he retired he threw away his coffee maker.  Why?  It gives him the impetus to get dressed, and go out of the house to buy a cup of coffee each morning.  I don’t drink coffee.  I like the taste, but it gives me heartburn.  I do drink iced tea and being retired (or unemployed) gives me more time to home brew my iced tea.  I like it with lime juice.  Scurvy isn’t going to be a problem.

If I’m retired, I don’t need a job because I have high-speed Internet service at home so I don’t need an employer to provide that and now that I’ve got two hammocks, I do have someplace to go other than an office, at least until it gets cold again.

I’m not going to play golf.  First, Governor Patterson raised the price a lot at public courses in New York and second, my wife doesn’t want me to play a round.  I’ll probably go to the beach though, despite the fact that it costs more too.

There are things I do need in retirement.  I bought a few new paint brushes.  I’m going to finish painting the inside of the house.  I might pick up a used pickup truck.  That would make it a lot easier to take the junk I’ve accumulated over 19 years in this house to the town dump.  Last summer, I started cleaning out the garage, but stopped when I realized it was filling up faster than I could empty it.  A truck might help me speed up the emptying process enough so that I can stay ahead of the filling up process.  Either I’ll get a pickup or a convertible.  One of my friends has an old convertible for sale.  It has low mileage so even though it’s old it’s in pretty good shape and because it’s old, it’s cheap.  If I find a cheap enough truck, I may get both.

Those are just some of the things I need and don’t need if I consider myself retired.  Here’s why I’ve decided to consider myself unemployed.  It’s much simpler.   If I do that, I only need one thing:  a job.

Author: Tom

I know my ABC's, I can write my name and I can count to a hundred.