Things I Know

  • I now have reason to believe that I will be appointed by the new administration to the job I now have, or something similar.  I’m glad to hear that.  But I still have trouble thinking of myself as an adult with a responsible job.  And I can’t think of myself as a responsible adult at all.

  • If orders of protection worked, then at birth everyone would receive an order of protection against everyone else and there would be no conflict in the world, or at least no violence against other people.  But they don’t work.  If I wasn’t afraid of being charged with assault or murder, I wouldn’t be afraid of a contempt of court citation either.

  • Regis Philbin has been on TV for more hours than any other person in the history of the medium, but President Obama is catching up, fast.

  • There are way too many times when being right is no excuse.

  • Garrison Keillor on “Prairie Home Companion” said March is a month designed by God to show people who don’t drink what a hangover would be like.  For me, it’s an up and down month.  I was away for the weekend, and when I came back the crocuses were in bloom.  Hooray!  On the other hand, I ran out of Girl Scout Thin Mint Cookies and I’ll be out of them until next February.

  • When someone asks me how I am, I usually say, “Let me check,” pause for a moment and then tell them I’m fine.  I do that because “How are you?” isn’t usually a real question.  I do that too because Larry Glick, legendary Boston radio personality, made me chuckle when he used to do it and Larry passed away last week.  I didn’t know Larry, but I’ve never slept well and I used to listen to him often in the middle of the night.

  • The late comedian Sam Kinnison used to scream, “Move to where the food is,” as his advice for starving people of the world.  I have some sympathy for the people who live along the Red River in North Dakota, but early settlers had to live near rivers for transportation.  People who live there now already knew it floods and maybe they should move to higher ground.  I don’t always follow my own advice though.  I live 15 feet above sea level, four blocks from the water in an area subject to the occasional hurricane.

Author: Tom

I know my ABC's, I can write my name and I can count to a hundred.

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