Things I Know

  • A 55-year-old man in Pharr Texas was arrested because a 9-year-old girl wrote a letter to Santa Claus asking that Santa prevent this alleged human being from touching her and her sister, something he had apparently been doing for four years.  From this we conclude that there really is a Santa Claus.

  • They’re going to have to call Ponzi schemes Madoff schemes from now on.  I’m not blaming the victims here, but no matter how great the return on investment, you shouldn’t have all of your nest egg in one uninsured-investment-program basket.

  • As far as I know, orange is the only English word that doesnt rhyme with any other English word.  You’ve got to admit it would be far more ironic if poem or poetry was the only word that doesn’t rhyme.

  • The word “phonetic” doesn’t start with the letter “f.”  Think about it.  That means phonetic isn’t spelled phonetically.

  • Here’s the funniest thing I’ve ever seen:  Lucky, my oldest friend’s dog, does what his parrot tells it to do.

  • Mischievious isn’t a word, neither is Artic, although we should  probably give up and make it one.

  • Staining the woodwork in your house and then coating it with shellac, varnish, or urethane is a lot more work than painting it.

  • The day is not far off when you’ll be able to buy a computer hard drive big enough to download and store the Internet.  Not a web page, the whole Internet!

  • During this baseball free-agent season, I find myself wishing some team would pick up my $12-million option, or even my $4-million option.  But I don’t have a screwball: I am one!

  • I can’t sing.  I’m allowed to.   I just can’t.

  • I believe everyone should pick at least one kind of weather that they like and never complain about it.  I’ve chosen hot.

Author: Tom

I know my ABC's, I can write my name and I can count to a hundred.